From another timeline

Time after time we met and locked eyes. Locking eyes quickly turned into locking hands, a thumb softly grazing turned into a hug which I could not escape from. Hugs turned into a habit (if I didn’t get one from you, I would disintegrate).

A habit turned into a kiss on the cheek and little casual conversation.

You opened up a whole new world, and oh, how fantastic it was! It was

alluring and hypnotizing to the point of unnatural submission, or blindness. If only I’d known.

Everyone described you like the biggest taboo. Talking about you as “he who must not be named”. Like the child I was, I didn’t understand why they kept you locked out of their lives, so I threw myself in the dungeons with you.

You said you talked to wolves and mystical creatures. Like spirits imprisoned. Metaphorically of course, because it’s naturally impossible to hear voices…right? You said those animalistic howls were misunderstood. They caused you trouble which you could not control, and in the end, you took the blame. I believed everything you said. Those voices in your head would not stop me from feeling your touch whenever we met. The spirits said you and I were meant to be.

Will you love me forever?

Time after time we met and little casual conversation turned into dependency. I truly believed you cared about teaching me the ins and outs of this world. Because of you, I realized it’s vastness, and because of you, I realized it’s perversion. I couldn’t be without you anymore. Your promises were real, you were real. My guide and once my guardian angel.

Will you love me forever?

This dependency led to your dark room, and me in your lap. The soft light of the TV reflecting on your glasses and glistening lips covered in spit.

Like all of the previous meetings, we laughed, talked as if we’d known

each other for ages. The pills on your nightstand were all too familiar, you

said they calmed you down. But this time, the kiss on the cheek did not

lead to more careless conversation. Instead, I was greeted with your mouth on my neck. I found it odd, what was I supposed to do? I knew all too well what this would lead to. Mom said I should be studying or talking to the kids my age. I’m too young, I thought. It’s an act of love. Your hands were cold, not an ounce of love could be felt, but how could I know what a loving touch felt like? This had to be it. So, I let you sink your teeth and mark my body with blazing hands, like metal in the fire. Between the dancing lines of uneasiness, I delivered my trust to you. For a moment I believed us to be equals, with you falling on your knees in prayer and sinking your fingers straight into my bleeding heart.

Will you love me forever?

Tell me the pretty lies only you can tell. How could I be so stupid? From then on, I couldn’t imagine a life you weren’t a part of. How could I do this to myself? You promised a future, you said you would show me what true love and devotion is. Isn’t true love what you showed me? Incessant calls

and texts of worry. Where I was, who I talked to, who I’m with. It means you care!

Making plans you knew never had a chance of coming true...Yet you

deceived me and like an omnipresent godlike figure haunting the thread of my routine. Everything I did was thinking of you, what you would like me to do, to wear, to eat, what I would tell you the next time we were together, what I would do to you and ask you to show me more of. I longed and

prayed for you. My innocence raped and life put on hold. It was only the next time we met which truly revealed how far your feelings for me really went. In the mind of a child, it was pure, with genuine care and chances of becoming something more. But when someone is given a bite, you have to be careful so they don’t consume the whole.

You did in fact look at me and talked to me like someday you’d eat me

alive, and if the blur in my mind had kept going, I would have let you do so. You deserved it, you made me feel like I was whole again, in a twisted and cutting way.

Will you love me forever?

I got a phone call.

It was about you. The police were at your door. You had forgotten the

medicine in your nightstand. Your mother’s face was bruised and your dad had already been taken away to the hospital. Apparently, they found out

about us and didn’t like what you did. They asked about your words, and the way you touched me. I said it couldn’t be, you loved me, we were in love, we had a future together! All those times you got mad at me for

talking to someone else or placing disbelief in the plans we made. Those pictures you sent of me seen from afar which made me feel so safe knowing you were there watching during every hour, the times you

threatened anyone who placed themselves as an obstacle to your possession of me, including those times you threatened my parents. It was all for love. All you did was for love; they just didn’t understand. This dystopia was ours; it was our small nuclear waste site to live on and screw the rest of the world.

You would love me forever.

For months after you were taken away, I could still feel you in the shadows, except this time you weren’t looking after me; you wanted me dead for what they did to you. You didn’t wish me anymore, there was no desire in your eyes like there had been previously, only anger and emptiness. Had it really ever been this way? What everyone said seemed impossible, I

refused to believe you could ever hurt someone; but it happened. So go

ahead, tell me all you want about emotion and how the wolves in your head told you to do it and how age is just a number, I will not fall.

I never saw your face again. The true reach of your manipulation only

became clear to me years after the events. Remembering you felt so painful I decided to erase every part of you from my phone, my mind. I couldn’t bear to think of what you had done. Today I can barely recall the color of your eyes, the way your smile looked, or your scars and how you got them. The only thing left are the remnants of confusion and unresolved questions which pose themselves as more and more needy of answers as the years go

by. It will only go away when I remember the color of your eyes again, or when I see you laid to rest in the old foggy cemetery.

You loved me forever.